Needs a good brain washing session. I guess I am too engrossed with my own problems to realize that God is calling out to me. I am feeling lonely.

It would seem that no matter what I do, even to be friends, it's not possible.
It seems that trying your very best and giving your all for someone does not seem to mean sincerity in the other party's eyes. It doesn't happen in real life. In our life. For those who succeeded, it's a good thing to know.

When you don't know what's wrong or what you may have done to make the other party act the way they are, it sucks. Cos if the other party is not going to tell you what's going on, we're on the losing end. For those who really care, they would try their very best to hold on at the losing end even if there's a tiny thread left. Even if the odds are against us. However, some people are so blinded with themselves and thinks that the world revolves only around them, will fail to see how hard the other party is trying.

Sometimes when you do not hold onto the people around you... You might not have the chance when you realized actually the person had already climbed out of the hole. And in exchange you find yourself stuck in a hole that you won't or can't even find a thread to climb out of.

New year. 2011.

Another new chapter has begun.
Spent today with bros from ACS back then. Really awesome chatting and sharing time.
Really miss those times back in sec sch where we were crazy and had so much fun.

New year new goals to aim for. Whatever happened last year, it's all the past.
Dear lord Jesus, please guide me through this new year with patience and help me achieve my goals. Help me through tough times and may this year be awesome with you in my daily life! AMEN.

Every time I open up my heart.
It just gets thrown into trash and gets stepped on repeatedly.

I didn't do anything wrong.
My conscience is clear.

Life has robbed me of a lot of things.
I am growing tired.

I am grew up and am growing up in a way that makes my heart numb and hardened to many things.

But the only reason I can still take it is because God is part of my life.
Not giving up now. Hold on. Cause when I pass through the finishing line, I won't regret it.
Thank you lord Jesus.

Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday Lord Jesus!

Had a family and relatives gathering BBQ. Quite an epic BBQ where the rain suddenly poured and all of us were holding mat covers up to cover the BBQ pit area while preventing everyone from getting drenched.
But what matters was everyone there was happy and that is all that matters.

I don't know a lot of complicated things in this world and relationships. But I know one thing for sure is that I like you a lot.
I promise to try my very best to give you the best sense of security and try my very best to make you happy so that I can see that smile on your face every time.
I'll be very honest with you. I have never done this before and maybe slow to certain things. I hope you can be patient and understanding.

It took me a lot of thinking and courage before I decided on what I did today. But I will not have any regrets now that I have said it out.

If you feel the same and are willing to allow me to be there for you.
I will be waiting for your reply.

19th Birthday

Another number added to my age. Another new year to look ahead to.
Dinner at Sakae with family, long time since we last do this with joy.
Bought new shoes, new berms, and new T-shirts.

Thanks to my Mom, Dad, Aunt, and cute younger brother for everything.

A big thank you to those who sent in  their well wishes on this day to make it special for me. Even though it's just another day, I really appreciate everyone.

New resolutions would be:

• Not be late for Japanese classes.
• Work harder for things I wanna achieve.
• Help out in a needy home. 

Ah halt. I shall not continue. It's said that saying out what you want to achieve may lead to me not fulfilling it.
So I shall not.

But most importantly, what I want to change and am not ashamed to say. It's to be a better Christian and draw closer to God.

Last but not least, continue to try my best to be there.

Dear God, I pray for your blessings to be upon those who are important to me in my life. I pray that may you bless them through this festive season that may their lives be filled with joy and happiness. May they be healthy and may their wishes and prayers come true. I pray for patience, patience so that I will be able to wait on and give me the confidence and strength I need to carry on through trials and hard times.
In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!

Please don't give up on me. Please..

"You don't give me the sense of security." 

That was what I heard from a women having a conversation with someone on the other side of her line.
It always amaze me how they can come up with such lame ass excuse. But afterall, who am I to judge?

Arm area where blood was taken from me started swelling but nothing big, mom said just massage and it should be fine. Looking forward to a boring holiday..

Training

Back from a long jog. All those training I have been going through and persevered on, is starting to show it's results. Stamina is much better than when I first started training. After jogging I didn't pant as much and caught my breathe much faster.

Pull ups. From zero, I am able to see the results. Managed to do 5 finally. Although it took some time, I am finally the difference from when I could do none.

Persevering will show results no matter good or bad. What matters is I held on.

Thinking about whether I should take NAPFA again or just go in 2 months earlier. Looks like I have to make good use of the upcoming 3 weeks hols to build myself up for NAPFA and army.

Smiled my way home after jogging looking at my phone.

Thank you Jesus, for teaching me to never give up on both things and people precious to me and to hold on to these. Thank you lord for teaching me to pray. For you hear our prayers and answers them in your own mysterious ways. Thank you lord. AMEN!