31st Oct 2010

Having chest pain now. Lasted for the whole day. Hope it doesn't persist.

Went jogging and some pull ups training this morning. Amazing that I actually woke up early for exercise. 

Maybe I have been over-working myself too much and giving myself too little sleep. 

Just realised that my group's pdpe project CA3 is screwed as we didn't include a lot of things. Guess tomorrow will be another long day in school for me to work on CA3. 

Enough about me..

Today is a very special day, not that it's Halloween and not that I care about Halloween, more importantly it's my cousin's birthday.

Happy Birthday Wei Chao.

15 years old already, time to concentrate on O's next year. 

Always be happy and if there's any problem, you can count on me. I'll try my best to help you.

Dear Lord Jesus, I pray that may you bless my cousin in every possible way. For today is a special day to mark his existence and life you have given him. Please do guide him in his life and daily events. Help him to know that no matter what happens, he have family members and relatives who care a lot for him. May he grow to be a strong young man. All this I pray in Jesus's most precious name. Amen.

Thanks

I won't ask you to wait for me.
Cause I am in no position to request anything from you.

I won't say that I will be there for you always.
Cause I want to prove it through my actions.

I won't promise I won't lose my temper again.
Cause when I see someone doing something bad to you I get angry.

And

I won't force you to let me take care of you.
Cause I will wait for you.

Day 4 of the first week of school.

LAN with the usual people had some fun. Better than hanging out in school.

Cannot be bothered about much things. PDPE deadline on Monday. But I can't really seem to care. Cos.. I don't look forward to school. Finally losing steam in trying to make things right, losing steam in aiming for something greater and just losing steam for everything. Wanna exercise, the fucking haze steps in.

So damn tired that when I got home, just slop onto the sofa and slept. Looks like going to school to face things you don't really like rather takes up loads of energy. All the limping from the knee injury is making me tired too. Hope the wounds heals up soon.

Gotta take out the guitar to learn something new again. At least it puts me into a world of my own where music is my best friend.

Need to find my steady solid ground to stand on again. It's all just patches of wet mud and a little of quake sand now.

Can't really care any less than what I can now.

Hurt my knee. Fell while jogging in the dark without realizing a root of a tree sticking out. Scrapped it and hurt the bone without knowing.

Haven't felt this physical hurt for a real long time. Sometimes this kinda hurt helps bring me back to reality that not all things will go the way you want. We may fall while on this journey called life. But no matter what people say, what matters is that I have managed to pull myself up and put myself back on my feet.


"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Ermm.. Lets just call it it's complicated?" Cos I don't even know what's going on...

"Yeah okay. Getting a girlfriend is not really good. There might be many problems and such to face. The pressure might make you break down."

"Oh okay.. maybe... some kind of physical hurt is nothing as compared to the hurt someone you care might bring to you."

Some kinds of fall require a longer time or requires someone to help pull us back up.
Tiredness might just be another way our body choose to help us escape from the pain.

WHY?

Fuck it...

Fuck these feelings...

Fuck my emotions...