Xav

2011-04-03T02:13:00.000-07:00

Needs a good brain washing session. I guess I am too engrossed with my own problems to realize that God is calling out to me. I am feeling lonely.

It would seem that no matter what I do, even to be friends, it's not possible.
It seems that trying your very best and giving your all for someone does not seem to mean sincerity in the other party's eyes. It doesn't happen in real life. In our life. For those who succeeded, it's a good thing to know.

When you don't know what's wrong or what you may have done to make the other party act the way they are, it sucks. Cos if the other party is not going to tell you what's going on, we're on the losing end. For those who really care, they would try their very best to hold on at the losing end even if there's a tiny thread left. Even if the odds are against us. However, some people are so blinded with themselves and thinks that the world revolves only around them, will fail to see how hard the other party is trying.

Sometimes when you do not hold onto the people around you... You might not have the chance when you realized actually the person had already climbed out of the hole. And in exchange you find yourself stuck in a hole that you won't or can't even find a thread to climb out of.

2011-01-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

New year. 2011.

Another new chapter has begun.
Spent today with bros from ACS back then. Really awesome chatting and sharing time.
Really miss those times back in sec sch where we were crazy and had so much fun.

New year new goals to aim for. Whatever happened last year, it's all the past.
Dear lord Jesus, please guide me through this new year with patience and help me achieve my goals. Help me through tough times and may this year be awesome with you in my daily life! AMEN.

2010-12-30T06:55:00.000-08:00

Every time I open up my heart.
It just gets thrown into trash and gets stepped on repeatedly.

I didn't do anything wrong.
My conscience is clear.

Life has robbed me of a lot of things.
I am growing tired.

I am grew up and am growing up in a way that makes my heart numb and hardened to many things.

But the only reason I can still take it is because God is part of my life.
Not giving up now. Hold on. Cause when I pass through the finishing line, I won't regret it.
Thank you lord Jesus.

Christmas.

2010-12-25T06:02:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas. Happy Birthday Lord Jesus!

Had a family and relatives gathering BBQ. Quite an epic BBQ where the rain suddenly poured and all of us were holding mat covers up to cover the BBQ pit area while preventing everyone from getting drenched.
But what matters was everyone there was happy and that is all that matters.

I don't know a lot of complicated things in this world and relationships. But I know one thing for sure is that I like you a lot.
I promise to try my very best to give you the best sense of security and try my very best to make you happy so that I can see that smile on your face every time.
I'll be very honest with you. I have never done this before and maybe slow to certain things. I hope you can be patient and understanding.

It took me a lot of thinking and courage before I decided on what I did today. But I will not have any regrets now that I have said it out.

If you feel the same and are willing to allow me to be there for you.
I will be waiting for your reply.

19th Birthday

2010-12-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

Another number added to my age. Another new year to look ahead to.
Dinner at Sakae with family, long time since we last do this with joy.
Bought new shoes, new berms, and new T-shirts.

Thanks to my Mom, Dad, Aunt, and cute younger brother for everything.

A big thank you to those who sent in their well wishes on this day to make it special for me. Even though it's just another day, I really appreciate everyone.

New resolutions would be:

Not be late for Japanese classes.
Work harder for things I wanna achieve.
Help out in a needy home.

Ah halt. I shall not continue. It's said that saying out what you want to achieve may lead to me not fulfilling it.
So I shall not.

But most importantly, what I want to change and am not ashamed to say. It's to be a better Christian and draw closer to God.

Last but not least, continue to try my best to be there.

Dear God, I pray for your blessings to be upon those who are important to me in my life. I pray that may you bless them through this festive season that may their lives be filled with joy and happiness. May they be healthy and may their wishes and prayers come true. I pray for patience, patience so that I will be able to wait on and give me the confidence and strength I need to carry on through trials and hard times.
In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!

Please don't give up on me. Please..

2010-12-16T04:33:00.000-08:00

"You don't give me the sense of security."

That was what I heard from a women having a conversation with someone on the other side of her line.
It always amaze me how they can come up with such lame ass excuse. But afterall, who am I to judge?

Arm area where blood was taken from me started swelling but nothing big, mom said just massage and it should be fine. Looking forward to a boring holiday..

Training

2010-12-03T05:35:00.000-08:00

Back from a long jog. All those training I have been going through and persevered on, is starting to show it's results. Stamina is much better than when I first started training. After jogging I didn't pant as much and caught my breathe much faster.

Pull ups. From zero, I am able to see the results. Managed to do 5 finally. Although it took some time, I am finally the difference from when I could do none.

Persevering will show results no matter good or bad. What matters is I held on.

Thinking about whether I should take NAPFA again or just go in 2 months earlier. Looks like I have to make good use of the upcoming 3 weeks hols to build myself up for NAPFA and army.

Smiled my way home after jogging looking at my phone.

Thank you Jesus, for teaching me to never give up on both things and people precious to me and to hold on to these. Thank you lord for teaching me to pray. For you hear our prayers and answers them in your own mysterious ways. Thank you lord. AMEN!

From the heart

2010-11-30T02:34:00.000-08:00

I'll constantly be keeping you in my prayers.

Keep the faith going.

2010-11-29T06:30:00.000-08:00

Been getting angry easily the past few days. Tutorials which I can't do no matter how much I try. Lectures which are so dry and complicated. Lack of sleep.

I don't know how long I can hold on here. But all I can think of is to cool myself down and read the bible.

Thank God, I went to church for cell on last Sunday. Alina touched on the subject of sin and the fall of men. The point she pointed out "who are we to demand anything from God?" struck me and I thought about it.

Everything we have right now, are all given to us by God. And he has the right to take them away from us. It's part of God's will and he had already came up with a plan for each and everyone of us. Natural disasters happen, yes God allowed it. But it does not mean he does not care for us. It's because of our sins that mother nature have to pay. If through losing someone or something precious, a whole family come to know of the truth and light, and come to accept Jesus. It might not be entirely bad.

I guess God do work in mysterious ways. When he closes a door, he opens another for us.

2010-11-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

What a cool Friday. Outing with classmates which did not happen in a long long time. Caught Harry Potter; the deathly hallows. It's kinda boring but the spells fighting scenes were kinda cool, but too short.

Ate at burger king and pastamania. Tomorrow I really have to do extra exercises to burn this crap off. Anyway it's fine to pamper ourselves once in awhile.

Currently can't wait till Jap classes begins. Really wanna learn that language real bad and since it's something that interest me and I get to do it, I won't give up.

Still in the process of carrying out the promise.

2010-11-18T07:42:00.000-08:00

To me, you're nothing but a pest to me.

It's the final lap.. Won't be seeing you in a long time. So it's okay. Too bad school does not allow changing of classes, so I have da bear with it through 3 years seeing your face everyday.

I tried to be forgiving, but some people ain't worth my time.

So bye. Do some soul searching for yourself when you realize you needed some.

All the best of luck to doing so.

2010-11-14T03:01:00.000-08:00

Today was a day just like one of those people will feel?

The feeling of giving up.

Even though I have been keeping up the "never give up" attitude, today I didn't practice what I preached.

I went jogging with Spencer feeling fucked up. When we came to pull ups section, we did tgt.
Even when I couldn't do anymore, I tried. I pushed, but I still couldn't hit 7 pull ups. Slowly, I wanted to give up. However, Spencer helped lift my legs up to aid me with pull ups. I reached the limit and I just couldn't take it.

With all the shit that happened or is going on in my mind, I had to release them all. I punched the metal pole real hard. He knew he should let me take a breather. And he did. I walked around to cool myself down and then Spencer said, come on we got more pull ups to do. And he helped me again.

It's not about the inability to do the pull ups, but it's the lesson I learnt from this. Although life hasn't been great, and I have tried so much so hard to make it better, I can't give up now. It's because of his simple help to aid me with the pull ups, I see the need to continue on.

The problem with true friends are, even though they know that it irritates the hell out of you by saying some stuff. They still say them. Because they know it helps you to get back onto your feet and they want you to come back strong.

Haven't teared in a long time, but today I did. Been holding back myself for too long. Won't be seeing this side of me for a long time to come.

Even though you irritate the shit out of me Spencer, I know you mean well. Thanks buddy.

2010-11-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

I promised myself to never give up.

Don't be afraid..

Don't be afraid..

I promised myself to never forget.

Don't be afraid..

Don't be afraid..

It's not as complicated as it seems.

Don't be afraid..

Don't be afraid.

31st Oct 2010

2010-10-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

Having chest pain now. Lasted for the whole day. Hope it doesn't persist.

Went jogging and some pull ups training this morning. Amazing that I actually woke up early for exercise.

Maybe I have been over-working myself too much and giving myself too little sleep.

Just realised that my group's pdpe project CA3 is screwed as we didn't include a lot of things. Guess tomorrow will be another long day in school for me to work on CA3.

Enough about me..

Today is a very special day, not that it's Halloween and not that I care about Halloween, more importantly it's my cousin's birthday.

Happy Birthday Wei Chao.

15 years old already, time to concentrate on O's next year.

Always be happy and if there's any problem, you can count on me. I'll try my best to help you.

Dear Lord Jesus, I pray that may you bless my cousin in every possible way. For today is a special day to mark his existence and life you have given him. Please do guide him in his life and daily events. Help him to know that no matter what happens, he have family members and relatives who care a lot for him. May he grow to be a strong young man. All this I pray in Jesus's most precious name. Amen.

Thanks

2010-10-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

I won't ask you to wait for me.
Cause I am in no position to request anything from you.

I won't say that I will be there for you always.
Cause I want to prove it through my actions.

I won't promise I won't lose my temper again.
Cause when I see someone doing something bad to you I get angry.

And

I won't force you to let me take care of you.
Cause I will wait for you.

2010-10-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

Day 4 of the first week of school.

LAN with the usual people had some fun. Better than hanging out in school.

Cannot be bothered about much things. PDPE deadline on Monday. But I can't really seem to care. Cos.. I don't look forward to school. Finally losing steam in trying to make things right, losing steam in aiming for something greater and just losing steam for everything. Wanna exercise, the fucking haze steps in.

So damn tired that when I got home, just slop onto the sofa and slept. Looks like going to school to face things you don't really like rather takes up loads of energy. All the limping from the knee injury is making me tired too. Hope the wounds heals up soon.

Gotta take out the guitar to learn something new again. At least it puts me into a world of my own where music is my best friend.

Need to find my steady solid ground to stand on again. It's all just patches of wet mud and a little of quake sand now.

Can't really care any less than what I can now.

2010-10-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

Hurt my knee. Fell while jogging in the dark without realizing a root of a tree sticking out. Scrapped it and hurt the bone without knowing.

Haven't felt this physical hurt for a real long time. Sometimes this kinda hurt helps bring me back to reality that not all things will go the way you want. We may fall while on this journey called life. But no matter what people say, what matters is that I have managed to pull myself up and put myself back on my feet.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Ermm.. Lets just call it it's complicated?" Cos I don't even know what's going on...

"Yeah okay. Getting a girlfriend is not really good. There might be many problems and such to face. The pressure might make you break down."

"Oh okay.. maybe... some kind of physical hurt is nothing as compared to the hurt someone you care might bring to you."

Some kinds of fall require a longer time or requires someone to help pull us back up.
Tiredness might just be another way our body choose to help us escape from the pain.

2010-10-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

WHY?

Fuck it...

Fuck these feelings...

Fuck my emotions...

2010-09-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

NAFA is only 2 to 3 more weeks away. Funny how I keep saying I don't wanna go in 2 months earlier but I am training quite little. Partially due to my body. My knee has been giving me pain and it won't go away.

Maybe it's time to go for a medical check up which I didn't do for a long long time. Treasuring the time we have and making the best out of it. I have to treasure it.

I should really thank people around me who care for me. Who without me knowing came into my life and continue to care for me. My grandma called me the other day, asking me if I wanna learn how to drive, and if I wanted to, she would give me the money to learn. I told her it's okay I have the money to learn, but she kept insisting. She said to me, whatever you want to learn or do, tell me... For I will support you always. She is really the pillar of support for me. Since young she had never let me fall... Even though I have fallen many times due to straying away from the safe side... She always stood by me...

It's amazing how one realise the importance of time when something bad happens, or when one is faced with an illness. One person who taught me so is aya... Never give up and be strong.

Staying cheerful and happy always.. is the best.

Thank you Lord for the people you have put into my life. For their existence is of utmost importance to me. Thank you Lord for them when I need help, when I fail, when I fall, they are always there waiting to lend me a helping hand. I pray for your blessings to be upon them and may they remain happy always and forever more. All these I pray in Jesus name. AMEN.

2010-09-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

It's one week into the holidays. The second week officially starts today.

Time flies funny isn't it? When it's the schooling season, we always wishes for the holidays to come quickly. And when it comes, it seems to pass so quickly when we are just wasting it away. I'm starting to see the time given to me on this Earth as a gift from God and I want to start making use of this precious time to fulfill the things I want to do.

I used to be someone with no aims, goals or dreams. I used to just live for the moment, live for the day. But now I realised I had sub-consciously picked up some interests in things I wanna accomplish so strongly. Even though I had these interests back then, I always put them down as I didn't have the courage to carry them out.

However, I do not want this to stay. Now I have realised the things I want to accomplish no matter how hard it may be. I can if I believe and put in the effort.

As long as I place God in the center of my life.

2010-09-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

When life leaves us blind..
Love keeps us kind..
Love keeps us kind..
It keeps us kind.....

2010-09-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

Been playing alot since school ended. Feels good.. But something is lacking. Sleep maybe.
I don't know man. Been getting angry easily for the pass few days over the slightest irritation by anyone.
Gotten rather angry on Friday already.
Friday well, it was fked up.

At least to make up for it, caught 2 movies and played some LAN with Tristan, Daryl and Edwin. Thought Tristan left after the 1st movie as he had to work the next day. Resident evil afterlife was okay I would say though they left a cliffhanger for the viewers. Everyone was like aww.. There will be the next movie.
I need to do this more to clear my head totally. From school from shit from everything.

You and your family of the same gender brings the most sorrow into the life of my gender.

If, you think you are so perfect. Please maybe you might wanna consider leaving this not so perfect piece of shit alone?

2010-09-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Exams are finally over. Everyone came out with a smile on their face and all asked where to next? Home or happy hour. I thought I would rejoice and such. But I came out faking a smile and probably feeling empty for the first time after exams.

Maybe having the exams was much better than not having any. At least exams make me feel pressurized to study and not think of anything else. At least it helps me not think of her. Now I got all the time in the world, my mind starts to wander off to many things. If I ever cross her mind again, lets just hope I'm still around.

Smile more... Sure.. When I find the reason for me to.

2010-09-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

So hard to even reply. So hard to even wish me all the best. So hard to just be normal and talk. I am tired, really tired. This period I have been put through really made me tired. Please don't smile for just that moment. Please don't be nice for just that moment. Please make it nice whenever we talk or meet. Please don't leave me hanging like this or please don't let me feel the cold.

I meant everything I said. I want you to do your best, and I said it from the bottom of my heart. I still remember the deal we had. I am still trying to make it come true. No matter how busy I am, I always try to put you in my mind. I don't know about you.. I hope it's the same. I might not be the most handsome guy, I might not be the most smart-talking guy, I might not be what you want me to be. But are you willing to accept me for who I am? Well I am ready to accept you for who you are if you need to know.

I don't know if sharing these thoughts are bad or good.. But it sure made me feel better.
Another tiring day..
Retiring off to bed...

zZz..

Need a break

2010-09-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

Been getting too little proper sleep and my mind can't seem to think straight.

Dear lord Jesus, I pray that may you give me the strength to make it through this period of time. Help me to focus on my studies and help me to keep a clear mind so that I can think properly. Heal my heart and make it clean lord Jesus. I can't put into words the things you have done for me and the guidance you have provided me through every phase in my life. Even when I fail you, you are always there. Thank you God Almighty and please continue to shine your light upon my soul.
All these I pray in Jesus name.
AMEN!

Not changing my decision.

2010-09-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

Caught an hour of sleep. The very least of help I could do my body.

These nights have been rather long for me. Diarrhea from last night, having a big pimple-like thingy at my back which hurts every time I lie on my back and I just can't stop thinking. My heart does not allow me to. Once the exams are over, I gotta let the whole world know. Cos I can't miss doing this everyday when I need to treasure every moment I've got.
You're the one Mabel.

There's a paper tomorrow, but I haven't touched my notes. They're still in my bag. And here comes Mr. Diarrhea knocking on my tummy's door.

Ciao
Everything will be better tomorrow and I know it will, for God is my strength.

2010-08-31T04:51:00.000-07:00

Shudn't have lost it... My bad.

Always losing that chance guess it's still best to grab hold of it whenever you have the chance. As it is said, " Never put off what you can do today for tomorrow."

It is the same for studies during exam period and for lost opportunities we all had in the past. It's best to carry out what you have planned to do today then to regret it some time down the road. Sometimes life needs a rewind button but sometimes sad to say, we don't get that rewind often.

Today was rather fruitful but yet tiring. However, thanks to God I managed to pull through today with ease and I have proven something. Always start the day with a prayer a short one is also okay. It's the thought that counts after all and God knows it. It is also always good to end it with a prayer too.

Thank you lord for guiding me through today, without you I wouldn't have gotten through it easily. Thank you lord for the strength both physically and mentally. Please continue to lead me by the hand through all of my days and I entrust everything unto you. Dear lord father God, I also pray that may you continue to lead me into prayer everyday be it for others, someone special or myself. Thank you God. All these I pray in Jesus name. AMEN!

First and the last or nothing at all.

2010-08-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

Go ahead or stop right now. Seems like I have only these 2 choices placed right in front of me, I have to choose.

Dear lord, I come before you ask you to guide me with each step in my life, to help me make the right decisions and to always put you first in my life. Give me strength and determination to carry out the things I want to accomplish for your glory.

All these I pray and hand it all to you. In Jesus name I pray.

AMEN.

2010-08-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

Kim Dong Wook - My Heart Is Cursing

Smile a little more
With a happy smile
So that you can comfort my heart
That keeps looking for you
Smile a little more
So that the world would be jealous
So that my heart that keeps calling for you
Would not be able to become greedy
My heart curses at me
because I can’t even say I love you
My tears burst
because my longing for you flows and flows
Only that sad phrase has been struck to my throat like a thorn
And remain in my ears the whole day
Why does it have to be you
Why did I have to love you
Even if I shake my head, deny it
I can’t let you go
My heart curses at me,
because I can’t even say I love you
My tears burst,
because my longing for you flows and flows
Only that sad phrase has been struck to my throat like a thorn
And remain in my ears the whole day
I love you, I love you
Forever
Even if you don’t look at me
Even if I say it a thousand times, you don’t know
Even if I wait at the same spot, you don’t know
My foolish love that simply looks at you like an idiot
You don’t know, No matter what

Yeah I'm an idiot... I can't seem to say it.

2010-08-08T07:57:00.000-07:00

Almost there, then fever came...

2010-08-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

One day there was this boy.
Who tried talking to a girl, and somehow he might have said something wrong without knowing but the girl started to ignore him.
He kept wondering what did he do wrong exactly. However, he had no answer to him question.

Slowly, he changed for the worst or the better he don't know. He became cold really cold. To some it might mean a better change for him, to some it might be something bad and to some they might not even bother. But to him it doesn't matter.

I know this boy so well to be true. But I don't know how to help him and he does not know how to help himself.

2010-07-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

New influence in my life. John frusciante. Fav guitarist of all time. That's what i call talent.

2010-07-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

Pass few days has been fucking awesome. Skipped school on Friday as it's fucked up as usual. Wonder how I will do for this semester, but just had to let some fucking steam off. Music really does wonders, thanks to you my bro Joshua.

Look for help, people give it to you with sincerity. People ask you for your motherfucking help, show some motherfucking sincerity if not fuck off. True friends don't motherfucking look for each when help is needed bitch. Every fucking action affect me I wonder why uh.. Maybe I should not bother so much next time as it ain't worth my time.

That's about it for someone who caused me misery in my life for some time.

Someone meaningful

Ever since I lost you as a friend or something more(if it meant something to you), I lost it seriously. A simple message would really help to save my soul. It feels nice to see you and it would be nice to hear from you again.

2010-05-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGi0R835EFQ

Take me as I am... Let me be your hand. I just wanna be with you.

2010-02-23T04:31:00.000-08:00

Motivation needed.. Forcing myself to study real hard. Wanna at least get through this year and then I can finally go to the final year.

Been really tiring for me and ofc looking forward to the hols. At least I get some time off from school and get more rest.

1 more week to go.
God help me through the exams..

2010-02-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

Today will be a day where loads of people will go out and celebrate valentines day in advance.

Couples everywhere, flowers everywhere and most people might be busy with reunion dinner.
Guess people will be having the best day in their life i guess.

No plans, no place to go to and nothing to do. That's my plan for today... Haha. what a day some will say.
Maybe a day where I can just set my mind at ease and think about my exams or maybe a day of silence spent with me, myself and xavier.

I'll never ask for anyone for you... Please don't continue this road like this for me. Traveling on this kinda icy and tough road gets us no where. But even if the car you're on is gonna crash, I'll crash mine in your place.

2010-02-09T04:50:00.000-08:00

Haha.. finally back again.

Pretty much busy with school work and such. What's a class with less than 10 people in a lecture theatre today!! The way ah.

Well at least it's much quieter than usual.
Better than nothing.

Talk by William Bill Krantz. Really helpful and inspirational. How to never let go of your dreams, hold onto them and never give them up no matter what... How people who step into your life might help change you in the most unexpected way you ever know. Amazing speech definitely. =]

Tomorrow will be Brenda, Trudy, Shahirah, Sin kim and Kenneth's turn to present on their product design and development. Haha.. All the best to them and no stress and fear man...

To end of:
What did the dog say to the tree?

2009-12-01T07:59:00.000-08:00

Headache now ear infection coming back. What's next. Shit man.. fricking hate this week, nothing has been going right.. But never mind. It's all gonna be over soon.

God please at least make my ear infection go away...
It's the last thing i ever wanna have ever again.

Wonder what does the bacteria has for my ears. Fricking fetish for my ears...

2009-11-02T04:45:00.000-08:00

Another nice song by the Jackson 5. Hope you love this song...
Just call my name and I'll be there. =)

Lyrics:

You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you,
I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and Ill be there

Chorus:
And oh - I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you
I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love thats strong
I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on
Yes I will, yes I will

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well thats all I'm after
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you
With an unselfish love I respect you
Just call my name and I'll be there

(Chorus)

If you should ever find someone new
I know he'd better be good to you
Cos if he doesnt, I'll be there

Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah
I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there

(Just look over your shoulders, honey - ooh)

I'll be there, I'll be there, whenever you need me, I'll be there

Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah
I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there...

2009-10-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

Haha.. although I am rushing through my preparation for some school work, I decided to take some time off to mainly dedicate this song to Fieary and to wish her goodluck for all her papers.

I pray that Jesus be with her through this period, give her strength and protect her forever amen.
Goodluck! =)

No matter how busy I won't forget about you even though I don't show it, I care.

2009-09-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

Been attacked by FATIGUE recently. These weeks to come won't be smooth sailing.

Guess this fatigue sticking like a chewing gum on me is making some people and myself irritated.
I'm not unhappy or anything, but some people think so and soon they can't be bothered with me.
So to say, people don't wanna care for each other.
These days people are rather fake.
Well these weeks are making me blend into the colors of this world.
There's no right or wrong.
There's no black or white.

THIS WORLD IS JUST COVERED WITH PATCHES OF GRAY.
It's the truth. The truth hurts.

Well... after looking at how I have been living my life, I think it's time to make a change. If the world is going to be gray, I'll choose to be different. To those who think there's no such thing as true this and that, then they have already sealed their own fate. Cause I make my own destiny, I choose not resign to fate.

Wondering why am I still awake. To those whom I see almost everyday, you people know who are you, I apologize.

Just a boy trying to catch his breathe in this asphyxiating world.

2009-09-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

Another nice love song.. Enjoy

Today marks the first full week of my attachment. At none other than CPTC. At first I saw this as a boring programme taking my holidays, where I would be much better left sleeping at home. However, it seems like it's rather interesting. Especially the practicals. Awesome.

However, today's prac was much to my disappointment. It was about AIR SYSTEMS. It is rather complicated and we had to put on ear plugs. This led to us not being able to hear much of what the trainer wanted us to hear. But nonetheless, pracs are things one should look out for man. Am so waiting to climb the 10 storey distillation tower.. tho I am afraid of heights.

Overall this is the kinda week I've been leading, quite fruitful I guess (at least much better than sleeping and doing nothing at home). Looking forward to more fun and experience learning for the weeks to come.

And oh yea, too bad they don't allow the taking of photographs, unless I wanna die young I shall not take any pics.

To everyone, may God bless you.
Have a pleasant week to come.
Xav...

2009-09-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

It's hard to be me now... even when I am at home now. With my family members around me, I can't bear to show them my weak side. I don't wanna make them worried and waste their time on me.
I just don't want them to know that I am such a useless person.
I need a hug badly... But it seems like I don't know who to call. I just wished someone could notice how I am now...

I don't know...

2009-08-27T07:10:00.000-07:00

I am in need of loads of motivation to study for my exams!! Next paper up is FMA.. Fluid Mechanics. A not so great and interesting module to study for any student.. So it kinda makes me don't really wanna give a shit. Haha... Oh wells a great song.. yea. Motivation by Sum 41.

Great day ahead everyone =]

2009-08-10T01:56:00.000-07:00

Fireworks

More fireworks

Fireworks again

A Caucasian with the Singapore flag -.-

Willy wonka!

Had a real fun time of my life yesterday.. afterall it was NDP09.. HAPPY BDAE SINGAPORE! =]
Went fireworks watching with affan and trudy. Walked hell lot but who cares, it was worth it. Too bad to people who didn't go uh. It was not so boring afterall. It's boring only if you expect too much.
After fireworks, went to orchard to meet up with brenda and we all had ice cream! Honeydew was shiok. And both affan and trudy stole two big bites =x
Well enuf of my life.
Singapore's 44 and well may peace continue to stay in our homeland. The new song by electrico is nice too.. Keep it up!

For more fotos.. Actually not much more, go take a look at my Facebook.

Till then... and i slept at 5am -.-
Chao.

2009-08-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Mango Smoothie

This mango smoothie was bought from Mc Cafe! Supposed to upload this pic yesterday but i forgot and was practically too lazy to. For those who haven't tried this nice smoothie, do give it a try when you make ur way to Mc Cafe the next time!

Todae was a rather interesting day where i reached home rather late. Had school and blah de ya da. Gems as usual ends early=x
Went out and ended up in woodlands playing guitar a bit onli la. 3 of us just slacked and had fun i guess. With me coming up with stupid lyrics and affan's pro guitar-ing haha... That's fun! =]

Alright shall make a move.. May all have a nice and long weekend. Enjoy! =]

Till then...

2009-07-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

Don't really have much to say todae. Just feeling real bored and tired. But just don't feel like sleeping. Currently panicking a little for my maths module, feel so screw as exams are coming and I am still slacking alot when I should use this time to revise for things I never understood. Engineering maths seems like an alien subject to me.... Guess it originated from a planet called Jupiter or it's neighbours bah.

Oh wells, Here's a nice song by Hedley. Alif intro-ed it to the class and I found it nice too. Old school... Take it away.

Till then..

2009-07-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

Today started off in heat transfer lesson where almost half of my class people didnt come for the lesson. This was so as they fell sick and it all started as a long story...

Started from one person, now 8 people in total has been affected by Mr. John lol...

I later went for gems where I met my new teacher in charge of my gems. He's a man who came from china. Dr cui taian. Okay shan't say much but I couldn't understand alot of the things he was trying to point out to the class =x

The best part was that he ended the lesson one hour earlier and I was rather happy about that as I was alone today in gems. Made my way to T11A to get LOA for brenda and then made my way back to the library to meet up with the rest to go to my final lesson. FMA.

For lunch I had ROTI PRATA from a stall in foodcourt one. This prata I ate led me to have a not so nice end to the day. After a few hours where FMA ended, I had this pain in my tummy area so pain I rushed to the toilet. While making my way there, the pain grew and I almost fainted due to the pain (no joke). I spent a long time in the toilet after that and yea... I had
The morale of the story is to never eat prata from the stall again (or should I say never to eat from that stall when the "ANGRY" aunty is cooking). Well I can't say I blame her, everyone has got days they just have got no mood. =]

On the journey back home, I saw a older aged lady carrying a baby with one arm and trying to push a baby pram with the other. I asked her if she needed help and said sure later when the train's here. When the train came, she tried to push the pram in with difficulty and one women and I offered to help. I pushed the pram in for her near the sit so she could sit down. When she finally reached her destination and as she exit pass me, she thanked me. One thing I learnt is that helping people makes you happy. Seeing the smile on her face makes me realised at least I have managed to bring a smile onto someone's face. And seeing the women who helped too and affan who helped stopped the pram from swaying, makes me feel happy too. =]

Fast forward to after school where I went to a newly opened shop called "PUNK STAR". A rather new and cool shop. They are selling rather nice looking clothes and I'm planning to get a T-shirt from them soon as there's this new design I'm eyeing on and it's coming out soon. teehee.

Had a briefing given by Ms Phua about the upcoming ITP I will be going through during the upcoming hols. Hopefully it will be a good experience and may all do well =]

Anyways, to end off. To brenda, zaid and faried, recover soon. You'll all be fine tomrrow =]
Keeping ya all in my prayer.

Till then.. God bless.

2009-07-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

Another nice song... So here I am still holding on~

Passed by sembawang park just now while delivering food for the "food from the heart". Somehow remembered the past where I was there before. There was a day important, I was there and attending a birthday party.

Still remembered being so quiet and so me and just standing at the bbq pit helping out with the cooking. Seeing the birthday girl happy with that sweet smile on her face somehow made me feel happy. Remembered buying her a cup and helping out with the cleaning up of the place after everything. Although I was being myself (quiet) somehow I enjoyed...

Guess this is a sign that I am getting old. Since they usually say old people think about the past most of the time. Anyways... I was happy then. Very...

2009-07-06T06:25:00.000-07:00

Today was an okay day for a Monday where school had just re-opened. Got back my FMA (Fluid Mechanics A) paper back. I scored a score of 40/50 marks. Happy with my results but still have got to work harder as I have already forgot what I studied during the hols before the Mid Sem Test. =x
Got to see my Practical results for PROINS (Process Instrumentation). I got rather high (To me is high la) since SIN KIM was in my group. Credit goes to you my friend.

Wells for tomorrow, I'll be getting my ENGINEERING MATHEMATICS and PROINS paper back. Hopefully all is well. But for my maths, I remember that I couldn't do the first question on the list -.-"

Oh wells =)
Here's song by the band named Lit! Enjoy~ (and I'm still having a real bad and itchy sun burn -.-)
Till then.

2009-07-05T07:38:00.000-07:00

Invisible to you..

Sentosa day. And am burnt from being under the sun for too long. As red as the baboon's ass. Figure out yourself how red that is. Itching from the back to the front. Feeling tired. Haven't finish EIC EQ journal. Wanna sleep? Yea. Wanna escape? Yea.
Nights.

2009-07-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Today's officially KAI MING's Birthday! Happy Birthday Kai Ming!!!! May all your wishes come true and be happy no matter how bad the people in your school can get!! =]
Here's a song I'm dedicating to you! Stay happy~ Gay as in happy, not the other meaning =x

Sorry for not being able to be there to celebrate with you... Real sorry. But anyways SMILE!

2009-07-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

Feeling emotionless now... Wondering why too. Maybe just the things going on around me.
If people can actually be true to their friends and people around them. The world would be a better place. The things around can make one become paranoid and in the end, more misunderstandings arise. There are some who will stop and care. But there are also some who will not stop as they take joy in seeing someone else hurt.
Just saw some crazy vids about the youth of the world.. Getting more retarded as usual. Hopefully someone can change them.

Anyways. Back to today. Went to vivo with the usual gang to chill out/off. Since it was officially our last paper for our course of study. For most of the class, today might be their last paper. But for me and some others, tomorrow's than the end. GEMS also got MST! Can you believe it?

But nevermind. This sunday will be fun for my class i hope. Since we're having our class outing again! And this time..... We're all going to SENTOSA! Frisbee, soccer,volleyball,swimming, etc. Yea... and last but not least, hopefully there'll be good weather and fun.

God bless you people...
Chao..
Xavier.

2009-06-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

Today's paper weren't as bad as the ones yesterday. Compared to yesterday's... Today was a blessing. The paper seems much more do-able. -.-
Well song of the day.. Jimmy Eat World-The Middle.... A song that kinda helps me when I am down. Dedicating to people out there who feels a little out of place when in their cliche or friends. Those people who have others talking behind their backs. Those who are treated like a plague by the others. People don't think so much about this and who knows, you might be better on your own. Keep smiling people.

Signing out.. till next time

2009-06-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's the MST (Mid semestral tests). Haven't been studying productively but instead have been procrastinating alot. =x

Moreover, I'm supposed to be like studying now... BUT I'm blogging instead... But I have also been studying hard la so to say... SO I THINK it's okay to play hard too.
Well been keeping myself busy loads... And somehow this song "Always Be My Baby"(David Cook version) seems to be so nice. Been listening for quite some time. Am dedicating to all who have lost someone special. Don't give that special someone up, keep trying. But when it's time to move on, since we all know that if we love someone, we would definitely want he/she to be happy right?

Well afterall it takes two hands to clap... I so know that.
Stay happy & smile always people. I will too.

2009-06-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

Am keeping myself busy... and will keep keeping myself busy with things.. be it games or going out or studying. Just as long as I can keep things off my mind.

Back to today... Went out with tris and edwin! again yea.. gamed and ate sakae sushi where I went broke. Officially broke! And I got this sms from danny, "X I got something to tell you, but you don't be mad.". Second message, "My school have another extra one week holiday because of the H1N1 but your school don't have! lol.". Danny you funny la.. at least that was something that made me laugh and it didn't make me mad... It just made me very mad! Thanks though..

Anyways, danny's birthday is here in two more days... Old already. One year pass so fast uh? Enjoy your last two days of being 20!

Till then....

2009-06-14T00:29:00.000-07:00

I miss you...
Aishiteru.

2009-06-12T07:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not good with words and have never been good with words....

Well this week for me, as the first week of hols and i have and must study hard during this period of time for my upcoming MST(mid sem tests)... However, i havent done much or can say havent started.... Still procrastinating.

Well had fun and such, can say one or two days only.. Rather got sian-ed after plans of watching a movie got canceled. As todae was a boring day.. nothing much happened. TIRED i guess............

Let's just hope action speaks louder then words....

Oh yea something really important i need to remind myself always...
To pray for someone real important,for my grandma as she seems like she is getting sicker and for everyone whom i know.

Grandma take care and i love you for being there for me. And for that important person, I thank God for placing you in my life... Kawaii you are.
Forever and always. God bless and take care people.

Till some time soon...

2009-06-09T08:39:00.000-07:00

Well hello blog..

Today was rather much a meaningful and well spent day. Went swimming in the morning with affan, where we made a little new fren. His name is YU TAN I think... Quite a smart and talkative kid for his age of 8. And he is a Burmese cum chinese. Cool kid... Hope to see you tomorrow at the swimming pool again YU TAN.

After which i went home and rushed out to SP... To study but ended up wasting much time. Haha.. And time flew real quick till 6pm ^.^
Lalala~ had a meeting with mabel as she was in SP for some course where she won chocolates (she gave them to me) teehee thanks!!
After meeting up both Erica and mabel and I went off to find the nearest palce with pizza hut. I suggested West mall, but when we got there, i realised there was not even a pizza roof. What more hut. Sorry for making you two waste the trip money....

And then we headed for CCK where confirm have pizza hut. When we finally found the place and sat, the cheesy deal was ordered!!... Fast forward a bit... finished, paid the bill and left. Did a little window shopping and finally headed home. When mabel unzipped her bag to take her wallet out to buy the standard tix, i managed to cease that chance to give her back her cash.. I can be a spy uh! =]

To end it all... I hope she enjoys today and I definitely enjoyed today. ^.^

2009-06-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

When my time is near.. God protect her.. Amen

2009-05-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
Gratitude much.. nah.. tris u noe how it goes uh.. Just becos of one... someone might follow and do the same thing to hurt the other party. But it's okay being nice is still best.. And the girl in your group chill uh... if she dun wan put in effort in group work then too bad lor.. her lost.

Rather tiring today.. Cos i reached home at about 2plus in the morning AM yes.. But at least i get to meet up with my sec school frens.. Had more fun then ever... Thanks guys for meeting up =)...

Met with Edwin, Ray and Tristan and we went for dinner at some jap place which burned a hole in our pockets... 10.80 for dinner money fly lor.. haha edwin thanks for agreeing uh.. next time we bring you go some where with conveyor belt la. Talked about poly and such and yea sorry guys uh... nonsense coming out of my mouth. We rather go back to sec school uh..

After eatin we made our way to play lan... LEFT 4 DEAD again =)... Didnt really enjoyed playing duno why.. the mood just wasnt there.. Bumped into Jeb, Joshua, Chris choo and co at the lan shop.. When Jeb saw us he went " OMG!! I feel damn bad la..." Cos he was supposed to meet up with us but went to play with the other group instead haha.. OFC I told him " Don't need to feel bad uh.. nice to see you here too anyway" haha... ACS barker.... Joshua should have took my drink... i didnt finish in the end.. haha..

After lan-ing we walked from dhoby ghaut all the way to orchard cineleisure area and slacked there.. after which we decided to buy movie tix for star trek.. and the time of the show is 11.30pm... Waited for the movie to start and stoned and did stupid things to waste time.. when the time finally came.. we went in and i fell asleep -.-... Wasted money....

When the show finally ended.. we went to take taxi home man.. And the taxi i took was like flying more then driving man.. the taxi driver drove seriously fast. Enjoyed the ride rather addictive.. haha i hope to sit a fast driving car again. REACHED HOME AT 2.30am and bathed and went to sleep.. haha............... stupid...

Hope to go out again soon guys... And tristan remind me to pay u back the 20 bucks u lent me.. And thanks for drinking a bit with me =) *Brain damage* haha inside joke uh =)

2009-04-28T04:01:00.000-07:00

Ooo......

Today spent duno how long at the self cert place with shahirah... Stupid lappie.. I think out lappies can throw away alr.. SP sucks for not giving us a choice of vista or XP. And now the FRESHIES get to choose and they can connect to SPwireless without any prob!... Stupid..
And sorry to you know who if you see this... sorry for making your bag smell of fan choy =x

Oh wells am back home.. everything seems calm in me... and i'm waiting for my mother's fried rice!! Ohm nom nom nom.. Long time since i last ate her fried rice. And i missed the taste... And i cant make my mother worry anymore..

Thanks mom.. I understand.. If it shall it shall be.. If not no use fighting hard. But never give up too unless it hurts. Time to think for myself..
Thanks mom =)

Mabel tell me bout the fishing thing soon yea?
chao..

2009-04-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

Shahirah.. hoped u liked the cold pearly... Dun ask me why but i felt like treating you..
To Alif.. sorry that last min never join u for the ice cream..

God please save me for what I am.. and everything I am..
So that I can revert back to Xavier back then..
So my pillow wont sits to dry..
So that deep inside I wont sigh..
So that I can smile the smiles I hope to..
Take my breathe away.. Thank you God..

2009-04-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

I drank todae night.. until now i am still awake.. i sat at the stairs of my block thinking thru things.. and i noe it's time i shud wake up.. To be honest.. my head was throbbing and i just thot alot things.. guess when u are half drunk u tend to say what you feel most..

I felt i am going down.. For this past one year.. Just holding on.. be it this or family.. Mother came back and saw me there.. walked with me while listening to what i have to say... I just noe that i shud learn how to treasure myself more..

Whatever happened is past and i shall learn to move on.. yes move on.. it's difficult but i shud try my best.. Like shahirah said.. if she can do it.. i can.

This might be the final post for my blog.. and i wanna apologise to someone.. real sorry.

2009-04-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

xavier's okay..

Cheryl dun be sad.. gonna be over everything's gonna be fine. Sorry if i bumped into u at the wrong time.. But dun be sad anymore k? Anything find me.. even tho i am no where much better.. I will try to help be4 i die haha.. And what i mean is not that i am gonna die... I'll try at least.

And thanks to Shahirah my bawg.. you rock not only in guitar hero.. in my life too. Thanks a billion cant stop thanking you. Haha.. depression time.. haha (inside joke). Need food for the restaurant city find me.. owe you one..or more..

And danny thanks for coming out with me at such late notice.. rather last minute but still thanks alot.. even tho i did nothing at the lib.. But talking to you is a life saver.. 5 years of frenship.. what more can i ask for.. whack me to death also will remember u as a fren who is always there.. thanks. And your drawing's nice.. random but there.. you got ur talent.

2009-04-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

The reason why i am up so early is becos the whole night i couldnt sleep.. Infection in the ear driving me nuts.. Woke up to took one panadol extra but no use.. the pain got worse and i keep turning in bed..

Then now just came home after seeing the doctor.. he said no swimming for one month and must use something or ear plugs to cover the ear when bathing.. If not the pain will keep on coming back only. Had an injection in my ass and i didnt noe it was so serious... And anti-biotics are huge.. And to top it all, everything cost 50 bucks.. But doctor was kind enough when i told him i only got 50 in my pocket.. Thanks you doctor..

problematic kid i am..

2009-04-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

went out for today.. at least i did.. if not i might have gone crazy..

Bumped into alif.. then went tgt with my fren to esplanade.. we just lazed arund and do nothing i guess. Thanks danny for accompanying me..

On the way home saw so many couples.. and many old ones at my hse downstairs.. Haha.. they are examples of love that can last.. Admire them..
Esplanade there was this couple who sat and enjoyed each other's presence for as long as i was there.. even when i left they were still there. So lovely..
Took the train home and i saw one couple which i saw while walking earlier in the day came into the same train..
Interesting day for me.. hmm

Love is in the air for them..

2009-04-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

I do know why i feel so irrelevant.. Felt so what.. I duno.. But kept quiet..
Maybe i am just real tired and i duno why i am up.. I am supposed to be sweeping the house clean but i cant find the broom..
I just feel like lying down whole day and stare at the ceiling.. I just dont feel like doing anything.
But guess i am gonna do some house cleaning to keep me preoccupied.

2009-04-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

Todae slept till rather late.. cos yesterday just came home from brenda's bdae chalet...

Haha.. had fun i guess.. tiring.. And the planning was kinda tough and i screwed up here and there..

On sat itself.. Alif, Affan and Shahirah helped to trick brenda into going to the chalet.. haha.. Thanks for helping.. at least they went to bowling and such..

Reached chalet about 3 plus.. waited with all the pressies in my hand.. at least i had my mother to help me if not i won't have made it..

Then her sister frens and her flying club frens all came.. haha..

Most imptly i hope she enjoyed the chalet.
Really enjoyed doing the stuff although i sucked at planning.

2009-04-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

It's complicated...

Well it's good friday.. shud be a happy day.. after all i did..
Later in the evening have dinner with family to celeb grandpa and cousin's bdae.. at least not so boring.. Guess i gonna give cousin some money to get herself a quite cheap guitar.. since she is learning.. haha..

Seeing the smile on people's faces can make one happy.. at least.

Sleep well xavier...
chao!

2009-04-06T08:23:00.001-07:00

Do people really understand you...

Wtf cannot take it man.. second time this shit happens.. Isit so difficult to show some care for someone?? Can't some people be more understanding? yea whatever go on ignoring me.. I cant care less for now.

Talked back to mother over the slightest thing and wow i ended off saying "I dun realli care about you all"... what the fuck made me said that... I wonder.. seriously.. the slightest things makes me angry these days..

Like wtf man.. seriously.. come home.. show face and i duno how the fuck adults wanna handle their probs cos it's called "adult's problems"... arrgh fuck it all... Talk to her and ask later wanto go walk after dinner.. no reply (wtf?!)... Great just fucking great... Always distracted by her fone...

How about we learn what each other problem is and try to treat each other fucking better?? How about that harh!?.. Yeayea.. move on from the past... how about the past and the present not much different?? Life is shit.. everytime i take a crap and look into the bowels... I see life..

Just feel like going out for a walk alone but i just cant think of anywhere to go.. I just need rest from everything.. real tired. I just need, I duno...

...what's another night all alone...

yea.. sorry for the vulgarities.. I'm just not in the right frame of mind now..

2009-04-05T07:02:00.001-07:00

Blog's dying... agreed...

Ok shall blog a bit after not blogging long time...
Well basically, today started off at 6plus... Woke up to go with dad to visit grandfather grave or can say ashes?..
Kinda smoky but everything else was fine... And the best part... We had to wait for my relative, the so called oldest uncle -.-.. Sure took his time to come man. All reached and he came after my mother, brother and I left not long.. cos when we left.. saw his damn car...

Okay.. enuf of that... mother dropped bro off at fren's house and we went shopping at bugis!!! Bought one ARENA swimming trunks.. ermm yea... and one FILA shorts.. It was rather worth it.. buy 1 get 2 free man.. but the price of it was 49.90 -.-

Afterwhich went to grandma hse for dinner.. usual.. But todae was rather interesting. Laughed more then i usually do.. (Most of the time i find one corner).
During dinner... I as the oldest among all the kids (can say adult le =]) took some egg for my younger cousin. When the egg i duno how or maybe someone cast some harry potter spell, slipped off the spoon and dropped into a whole lot of chilli!!!!
Instead of giving it to some adult (not me) he action... Said this "nevermind, I will just eat it one larh"... And when he took the first bite... I was LOL-ing away at the side... hahaha.. He asked for a cup of cold water!! haha.. At least he finished the egg... Good boy cousin.. =p
Not my fault if u got burnt lips haha... (my fault actually, forgive me =[)

Basically that was my day... haha boring yet interesting...

And to all out there... keep safe and stay happy... Hope ya all no probs! =)
If any problem can find this uncle xavier here.. Uncle alr (actually not that old larh)..

Weird post...

2009-03-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

Hot and Cold...
Just like the weather now... So irregular...
So expecting... like how the weather expects us to live with such conditions... Even when we don't want to...

But the past weather was so much nicer...
There was no need to be afraid of the conditions... As they did not existed then...
Just like how the weather was well loved then... It was loved...
The chance was not given to show how well loved it was... but it was loved...

Till now... it's still loved... Because... the person living in this world has not given up on the well weather then... so perfect... near yet far... Getting the weather you desire does not come easily or when you want it... Cause sometimes it's just not possible...

However, the person does not stop... Chasing after the weather...

A song called giving up on love...

2009-03-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

Third post of the day...

Wonder what's wrong with me today... just not myself the whole day and just didn't like the day...
Maybe i am feeling sick maybe i am just tired...
Confused with myself... I am just being weird...
Dumb Dumb Dumb xavier =)

私はちょうど幸せ…であることを望むそして私はである幸せ… 私はちょうど私の祈りで常に保ち続ける…
原因である実際に特別… 私に

Poly is about to start again which marks 1 yr of my education there... with my fav class.. Alot things happened but what matters is we're tgt again... same class...

One more thing... 15 april needa go back to school to help out Mr Kong. Guess what i'll be helping out on... SPICE training.. Basically to help the new students this year with any prob during the training...

Till then chao..

2009-03-18T02:27:00.000-07:00

Lonely Wednesday...

To people out there who feels so sick and tired of everything when you lose someone special or someone close... Don't give up hope... Not easy but hold on... You don't have to give life up...

Here's a song...
Good Charlotte-Hold on

2009-03-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

Got my results but didnt care much... More worried for the rest...WOO and the best came... all of us same class again... YEA!

Prayers do work and ofc.. believing in them..
=)

Stay happy~

Here's a song for all of you all love ya all!!! Always... Love xav...

2009-03-17T06:40:00.000-07:00

Today went out to celebrate AFFAN's bdae!!! He's 19 and "young"... Hope ya liked the guitar and bdae card though it's a bit vulgar =x

Ate swensens and we were high... at least for me... tiring to be high though... After main course, the earthquake came tgt with the guitar... wowwww magic... swensens giving free guitar =x
Hahas... nah we bought a guitar for him... a real one indeed..

After paying and such we left and went to catch a movie at CATHAY de CATHAY hahas... inside joke... The movie PUSH was not that bad though some found it boring... I push you hehe.... Basically a movie about people who has some kinda power as they fight to get this drug that enhances their power where there are 3 grps of people... The division where people who has power workin for the government, The grp of "gangsters" who are not really smart.... AND the good people cool... hehe

Sum 41 - With me
I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you don't know what you're looking to find
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies
When you just never know what you will find (what you will find)

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go (I want you to know)
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

2009-03-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

Accident... family probs... All just comes...
How about i hope 8 understand me......

Mom's car knocked into a taxi... Duno whose fault isit as i was sleeping... woke up from the jerk only to find my knee lost some skin...

Adults... can they just share wtf happened?

Pissed and confused with the things happening... at least there was somebody who understood me at least...

Why isit so difficult to understand one another and give in to the other party sometimes.. i seriously wonder...

Well to end off this not so very wonderful day...

Lyrics to a wonderful song....
Sum 41 - Pieces

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I’d thought it’d be easy
But no on believes me
I meant all the things that I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing could save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

(On my own!)

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know That I’m better off on my own.........

2009-03-03T07:32:00.000-08:00

Today was just another day gone to waste..
Only thing i did was stoned and did nothing.. morning waited for the singtel guy to come help fix up the mio.. and now my hse number got changed with my grandma's number... Noon came and i went to pool with affan which was more interesting then stoning...

At least thurs and fri is coming so soon..
Thurs, outing with danny to some exhibition kinda thing sounds interesting...
Fri, been looking forward to that day.. since i last went out with mabel has been a real long time..

To end off my boring day.. I had migrane for half of the day.. either stoned too much or think too much..
Guess it looks like a solo tonight~

chao

God bless you....
all i guess

2009-03-01T04:39:00.000-08:00

Went to church and after which stayed back at the glass tower to see mabel play guitar and learn from a uncle... Hahs... Though i dun realli noe what he was teaching as they were all chords at least there were music...

I shall start learning something from that uncle cos he seems experienced... He said if i dun learn the basics properly... Godfather will sound like grandfather Lol!

Till then chao...

2009-02-25T08:14:00.000-08:00

I finally got my blackie!!! (not being racist or whatever but it's a guitar)

Hehe ain't saying much for this 2nd post just take a look at it =)'

That me playing the guitar =)

2009-02-24T19:45:00.001-08:00

Wow... finally the end of exams... hahas.. now i can finally put everything aside and wait for the results to be posted out...

Rather worried for few people... really wish to be classmates again.. and all i an do now is keep them in my prayers..

Went to watched pink panther 2... not a bad show... maybe i was the one feeling bad and thinking nonsense that's why i slept... Sleeping helps alot, but makes no difference actually... after sleeping felt much better... then woke up to finish watching the show... Glad money was well spent for the movie...
Well guess i am rather temperamental and dumb... like what people say...

Wells.. here are the hols and i am learning bit by bit how to play a guitar from affan... and maybe brenda is joining too... hopefully we three can play tgt sometime... wanna learn fast... well practice makes perfect =)

xav... must wake up from this dream he has been living in... it's high time he open his eyes... and see where this is leading him...
He always face things that makes him sad.. which means he should stop it now...

He should stop chasing rainbows.

2009-01-29T03:11:00.000-08:00

[Smiles of a boy]
Since when did it become all about you...
I feel down and out every time i see you down...
No matter how I try to fix the words together...
Nothing seems to come out of my mouth...

One thing i know for sure...
No matter how you treated me before...
I have long thrown these memories away together with time...
However memories of your smile remains with me even when time pass...
All I know for sure is that my door is always open even when people calls me dumb...
This is because I know for sure, I never wanna see you hurt...

He enjoys being around you and seeing your smile that puts me at ease...
[He = me]

2009-01-15T02:15:00.000-08:00

Just came home from woodlands with the usual frens... alif, affan, shahirah and zaid... and not to forget brenda... Feeling dead tired and thinking things thru...

First things first i hope my fren won't be too sad over some matters that happened in the family... I seriously hope he will be ok and his family won't be too sad...

Secondly, i am thinking about this one person... who means alot to me at the apparent moment... hopefully when my feelings are made known... nothing bad will happen... but giving up is not an option for me at the time being... cos it's for real... though i am afraid history might repeat itself i noe i can make it right and hopefully my feelings and care/concern will be made known and things go well =))

2009-01-12T02:54:00.000-08:00

Wah think xav is back... been away from blogging for God knows how long... But anyways i'm back yea...

Been a slacking period of time for me as i havent been realli making good use of my life and studying(most importantly..) LOL... wells it's high time i start studying for good as the exams are coming up real soon and i don't wanna forward(retake) any modules if possible... sheesh... need motivation...

Wells basically todae started off rather fine... woke up later then usual as lessons starts later then usual by 1 hr -.-".. yea lame... msged few people wishing them all the best for their O's results... Well my cousin won me by 1 point -.-"... been losing to him since ancient times... hahas but i am happy for him duh...

Smsed Gen wishing a better yr this yr and ofc JIAYOUS for her upcoming A levels.. You will do well i believe in you!! =))

After school went out with shairah as usual with the rest to get her passport done... then went to bugis with aleeve and slacked for awhile while getting his new watch(eheh nice sey). After which went our separate ways and go home. Upon rwaching home, went for a jog as usual.. hehe.. But todae wells getting old alr... knees giving me probs.. pain and blah blah blah... haha... wells hopefully tomoro will be a fun day haha...

Till then... (looking forward to go out study again.. Zs, Gen..(=)

2008-12-17T07:17:00.000-08:00

Ever seen superman with a snow cap(beanie) =x
WAH HOOO!!! Ok superman's back in action -.-" Forgive me being lame...
Enjoyed todae though was looking down all the way... but deep inside u all noe i did enjoyed... haha... Loved the kuachis from shahirah, loved the letters from affan and shahirah... And last but not least my sexy converse shoes from Brenda&Zaid!!!!!! (both of them really noe i love black sexy black!!)
Went to the henderson bridge where we slacked and just enjoyed the breeze.... zaid... i still remember the mr. anderson thing hahahaha LOL.... Hope shahirah liked the bottle(she smsed me saying like?... I LOVE it) hahas.... Hope alif liked his new shoe bag!!!( Though i told u the price... sorry uh) just use it everytime to make me feel good!!.... Hope brenda liked the cuddily cute bear named BREN( sorry uh the name not tat nice =x... hug it to slp!!!).... Hope affan liked the new shirt( sorry the receipt gone le so must fit into the shirt no matter wat!! haha)...
Sorry to zaid for not giving u anything.... but i promised to get u something u need just wait for it to appear hahaha i promise i will do it =).....

Am real happy now thanks to every single one of you... and i cant help but stare at all the presents.... hehe.... converse is so OMG!! haha... psps...

Thanks for helping me move on in life(you know who) =) Appreciate you all in my life =)

Chao!

2008-12-01T03:32:00.000-08:00

This is for the ones who believe their lives won't change
Hoping that someday things will mend and be the same
And this is for the ones who have lost it all
When all that's left to gain
Is a simple reminder that the things that we're blind to slip away

How can I say
Say I'll be okay

And if I fall through these days that go by without cause
Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own
And if I fall through these nights I can't seem to go on
Just a sign that you're with me gives me the strength to hold on

Now that the line's been broken
I'm too afraid to just look back
The pages have left an empty space
You were all I had
Why does it have to be this way
These things they'll never change
Still I'm left with knowing, content and happy, this is all I need

And if I fall through these days that go by without cause
Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own
And if I fall through these nights I can't seem to go on
Just a sign that you're with me gives me the strength to hold on

And if I fall through these days that go by without cause
Just a painful mistake has left me here on my own
And if I fall through these nights I can't seem to go on
Just a sign that you're with me gives me the strength to hold on

2008-11-26T04:48:00.000-08:00

Well i feel much happier and more self confident now... and from today onwards... towards a confident xavier =)
Can only put one big smile to that....

Thanks brenda for the talk... and ofc every single one of my wonderful classmates who are nothing but good and frens i treasure in my heart... hmms special thanks to aleeve for being there every now and then as a listening ear.. i noe i have been a problematic kid for a long time... but thanks a million which is not enuf still....

Thanks alot to brenda too... though i have been not really been a good person... thanks for noticing the change in me and such.. thanks for th words that helped me stop looking down on myself... thanks alot... million thank yous too... =)

For zaid... Friends?

2008-11-25T03:57:00.000-08:00

Guess things havent changed actually eh??... well guess it's true... When i thot by making a change which is still me things might be better.... well it got better but i cant hide this anger in my me whenever this wonderful person is around... and this is wat's making my angry feelings come out which might turn things back to the way it was.... where i wasn't as open which mean i have to suffer the feeling of being ignored....by...

Seriously, why does he have to continue to try to make me gulp down lots of vinegar when i am on the road to forgetting sorrows... Seriously save me of your sacarsm and hypocracy.... stop trying to be a good person cause i do have eyes and feelings to tell me wat to do actually... trying to forgive and forget but like i just wanna say freaking read in between the lines...

Tired of this and trying hard to cover the sadness behind this fake smile... well i am changing and it's still the same me but such people is trying to make me go back to the way i was which is not exactly good and healthy for me....

PISS OFF PLS!!

Oh one more thing... i remembered u said...she's not even in ur religion and u are just frens only... If u said that and still continue doing this, this shows u are just playing with her feelings... cos u said u will not be with a non ur religion.... i am not trying to play religion but u did say that.... so if u are not gonna be with someone not from ur religion... wat are u doing now?? pls explain ur frigging actions and u are succeeding if u are trying to get me off her back... If u are true and both are happy i will ofc let her go... if u are playing with her and hurt her.... sorry to say...... i hate players...

2008-11-24T05:17:00.000-08:00

Today has been a tiring day bleh......

Met with brenda and shahirah to go school hehe... wah kena cheated by SMRT they showed me that the train was a do not board train... howeva when it reached woodlands.. it was a pasir ris train... -.- got cheated and brenda was like- Yishun people haiz... thank God we reached school on time hehe...

Microbio rocks!! (my ass...) so tiring la..... well during microbio i've not been rather patient with people so to say... guess my bro from another mother knows why.... Well but i guess tomorro i will get over this thing... and tiredness... it's just a one off thing(learnt this word today) hopefully.. haha.. Gonna be patient and continue to be happy as long as you are happy..

Thanks aleeve sayang... for helping me with the making of my new blogskin haha... thanks a million... thanks for that fire too -.-"

2008-11-12T05:07:00.000-08:00

Things, problems and maybe he is just problematic...

He is confirm "not the same cos nothing much has happened this yr"...
He is ok cause "nothing bad happened"...
He is ok cause life has been "good"....

He is OK cos of a fren who was there as always... Kudos to that fren

2008-10-17T05:10:00.000-07:00

HAHA am feeling rather high and happy todae =)

School was kinda fun todae as Aleeve, Brenda, Sin kim, Shahirah, Trudy, Zaid and i went to teh karaoke(however you spell it hahas) at moberly in moi school haha. Quite fun as aleeve and zaid was taking the mic and having fun. Didn't sing though haha dun blame me la i shy heehee....

After school planned to go watch a movie called MAX PAYNE haha but in the end we didnt but it's ok since we are gonna change to another day where more people can go so not so bored hahaha... Took the mrt and shahirah wanted to go to vivo city where i wanted to go too then i kinda said ok thinking aleeve also will go then not so boring mah... then actually only i going then in the end never go with shahirah... She went herself lei, i feel so bad... SORRY shahirah I promise to buy you break fast some day ya?? i am so bad... Sorry..

Ended up in RP with aleeve where we made use of the sockets and the internet to ease our boredness haha... OH ya oh ya be4 that we went to LJS AGAIN!! to have our lunch... WAH at this rate of LJS i will die lor.. haha.. We spent time till about late 4pm then his frens came... Quite a pleasant bunch of people and frenly to me since i am like the only chinese there.. haha thanks aleeve.. BUT BUT be4 all these happened we were looking thru pics of a fren of aleeve and we were kinda laughing away at some details haha so bad BAD lor we shud cut down on all these haha... Walked arund and we saw a stall doing ambigrams and 1st thot brenda!!! Called her then told her about it and she asked me to help her make first haha... And ofc i did heehee... Made one for moi self too =).. Oh ya brenda the whistle for MARCUS the dog isit?? heehee just asking .. Cause i remembered the black colored dog on ur dp haha.. Good memory eh?? =)

After that we parted at the mrt station and be4 that he said something kinda sick but ya i dun mind haha..(DONT TELL ANYONE U SICK MAN HAHAHA, MY BRUDER THEN DUN TELL HOR) =)~

Went into the mrt and when i turned arund i realised someone behind me haha... OMG i didn't noe GEN was there.. NA mer qiao arr(so coincidental arr) haha... Waved in front of her face then she noticed me haha... Talk a bit and then had to alight at yishun cause it's my stop.. GEN talk to you tomorrow hor haha and ya i am ok and i am sure haha... MISS you too since so long never tok le ='(

Reached home and kinda slacked and went to the doc as i am having sores arund moi mouth pain and itchy sobs... haha.. i saw the notice open at 7.30PM then waited for about 15 mins be4 realising another notice below saying "closed on friday nights".... -.-".... yea i was like this haha... ofc went to another doc to see as realli getting bad haha...

Yea that's about moi day and before i go i wanto thank Alina for being concern =) yea thanks for being a great leader and fren to me.. And one more thing i love moi class haha especially the grp i usually go too... ALIF, BRENDA, SHAHIRAH, SIN KIM, TRUDY, ZAID, KA JUN and moi, heehee, BUT i also love others in my class.. realli happy to be in this class.. Oh ya brenda rest well haha can tell you very tired and aleeve thanks for spending time with me and dun worry not being gay(am not gay relax) haha

...Till then...

2008-10-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

Today have been a great day!!! Aleeve, Brenda, Zaid and i went to catch eagle eye the movie.. =)
Not bad for a movie but really enjoyed their company... =)
After being with them for quite some time i realised that i really like their company and enjoy them as frens who are so lively =)
Thanks guys for being moi fren and if i never met u guys, it would be the greatest regret in moi life... Love ya guys...
To be exact i love you all from my class 1A01 and 1B01 =)

Brenda is about to leave for studies overseas and we will miss her loads... She is one lively and nice person where she will bring joy to people she come into contact with =)
May she have a pleasant journey and enjoy her studies and ofc come back every once in a while to meet up with us =)

2008-10-13T03:38:00.000-07:00

Currently i am feeling rather down and out or this world... Rather alone and emotional... Well after seeing and finding out things not supposed for your well being, ofc i will feel lost. Seeing how things turned out for my parents, really made me think hard.. Since love is like so lovey dovey at first and things can turn out like crap after that why get married and why get started.. i think i am kinda having a different perception towards what love is... It's like my mom tells me to tell her if i am upset over anything or sad but i just cant bring myself to talk to my mom and let her worry more since she said she felt a burden off after telling me news that made me like this... I just find it so hard to hold my tears back and pretend i am okay... i think that seeing that someone's smile everyday can help me to lessen how i feel...

2008-10-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i have actually been told something kept from me for 3 yrs... hmm guess i now officially do not have a complete family so to say. But i guess i dun blame anyone for things that happened but yea the feeling of being lost and sad came and i guess i didn't had the mood to do anything for the whole of yesterday well... So now i shall just do my part as a student to pull through and do well in my studies so that my parents won't have anymore problems.

...Till then...

2008-10-02T04:18:00.000-07:00

Things are not really turning out properly for me or so to say me.... Family got some probs and not sure what is happening or is things going towards the direction of chaos or Hell... Life has not proved much of any meaning lately and i am not sure if things are gonna be alright..

Went out today to practically learn how to use a camera properly to do something...But am not sure will this help or screw things up more... (LOOKING for a shoulder to use for my sorrows)

Moreover i have alr so called given up over some things that happened back then... Cause i realised doing nothing wrong and getting someone angry over you for something you were trying to help out and now trying to appease some one's anger over you..... Does not realli help much so just move on with life....

However one song realli made me pause and think.. God will make a way when there seems to be no way, he works in ways we cannot see, he will make a way for me, he will be my guide hold me closely to his side, with love and strength for each new day, he will make a way, God will make a way..

Till then.

2008-09-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

I'M BACK!!! haha haven't been blogging for a so so long long time... haven't been living life to the fullest and holidays are damn damn frigging boring...Actually went for some job interview at some restaurant for the waiter post but up till now i haven't got any reply.... haha guess i am not gonna work...

A few more weeks to go before my holidays ends but found a new way to spend my time haha.. Swimming, swimming and more swimming and some psp-ing.. =) Tomorrow i am gonna so called re-learn my swimming stuffs as i am so called learning again from my old old old long time no see coach!! =) Kinda looking forward to it since my love for swimming came back after 3 whole years of not even touching the pool waters... LOL but yea i love swimming OMG..

Nothing much to look forward to accept the up coming class chalet... so happy that i am gonna see my classmates in no time =)..

................................................................Till then............................................................

2008-09-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

HAHA!!!!! Today was so to say a fun day indeed hahaha...Woke up at 10am first time in history xavier usually wakes up so late(to me is late)... Realised was late for a meeting with sec 4 classmates so i rushed to get a bath and changed and zoom zoom out of my hse.. Took the mrt and went to dhouby gout to meet leonard and nick at cathy hahah... When we reached leonard was supposed to get his hair cut by some guy(forgot his name) but he wont be around so early so we left for pool at meridien haha...

After pooling for one hour we left to meet jeb and tristan at cini for a lunch buffet cum dinner haha basically the whole day's meals hahahah... Was eating at Suki shushi which is really feeling and ate till stomach nearly burst haha yea right!!!

After not long we went for a movie by the name 4bia haha... scary till can pee in the pants one hahah if you are frail hearted pls dun take the risk or something might happen hahah.... After the movie went for second round of pool and then of course all go separated ways to go home and stuff hahah... Though all went home with fear in our hearts and weird thotsin the mind hahah... Yea that's about it, till then... =)

2008-09-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

SUN-BURN AMG!!!! haha my both shoulders now are burning and my skin is red like the hot scorching sun... haha.. Went swimming today near noon time so i do expect myself to get burned haha. Swam for about an hour plus plus not all the way swim la haha slack around with mother and father lols.. After that went to ang mo kio hub for a walk and some shopping so to say..

When we reached there, i walked into the converse stall and was planning to get myself a new pair of shoes but was considering if i shud spend on a shirt or a shoe so went to buy shirt in the end... Walked into Giordano with parents and brother then a black long sleeve T-Shirt caught my eye haha quite cdecent and nice looking so i got it haha using my mother's voucher which means i got it for free in the end heehee..

After shopping and stuff went to grandma's hse to have family dinner as usual(we do that nearly every week). Heehee had a rather decent dinner and was rather full taking into consideration i did not had a proper breakfast and dinner haha.. Yea that's about it. Till then....

Xavier is down with fever

2008-09-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

Heh... Didn't managed to blog yesterday as i was running a friday night fever haha LOLS...Practically my toothache hurt like MAD yesterday and when i came home i was burning inside out.. Even ZS said i was freging red haha... Guess this is like the first time of 2008 that i actually fell ill and was aching everywhere... Thanks to Alif and Brenda for their concern =)

However, woke up today and found i actually had no more pain and of course thinking i am ok alr, went for a swim with my mother haha.. Swam till i got sun burn lols but not that serious maybe will be ok after some rest lols... That's about today but am having slight headache again guess this time i really have to visit the dentist or i will really DIE heehee.. Till next time...